Over the last several weeks, God has really been working in my heart. To be quite honest and open, I've struggled with having a daily quiet time for the last few months. I just felt like I had hit a "rut." I got really frustrated with this because how on earth do I hit a rut with my relationship with God? I mean, I don't hit ruts with my relationship with Daniel. So yeah...frustration...mainly because this isn't the first time something like this has happened. Also, it's looked on as "normal." I've heard numerous people talk about it, preach about it, whatever. But why? If I say God is the #1 in my life, why would I go through times where I just didn't have the desire to get in His Word or spend time in prayer? If I am living my life for the sole purpose of serving Him and giving Him all the glory, then why do I go through times where I just can't get into His Word? ...and even scarier, why is it so often looked on as ok and "normal?"
So, I began to wonder why I was questioning like this? Why wasn't this just one of those other times where I accepted, or even expected this phase of my relationship with God? Wasn't it just one of those "downs" in the ups and downs of our relationship? Through several different avenues, God began to reveal the problem...
I recently completed a Beth Moore study on James. Whoa. Talk about God coming straight at my heart with a huge drill and bulldozer! Ha! What was left when He was finished was a work I certainly never could have done on my own. He reshaped my heart just enough to reveal some areas that needed some serious work that only He could complete, as well as to prepare me for what was to come.
Soon after this study ended I was sitting in Sunday School taking part in the lesson. My mom happened to be there and after church that Sunday she told me she had recently studied that same passage and there was something that our class missed. We went home and looked it up in a few commentaries, and sure enough, there was SO MUCH MORE to the passage than just what we had discussed. Through this I began to wonder, "how much more have I missed in God's Word?" I mean, I read over the passage and I NEVER would have learned the full extent of that passage by just reading over it. It took some serious studying!
I was so convicted over this. I've been saved since I was 6 years old and not once had I truly, TRULY studied God's Word. I've read over it, sure. Many times. Although I can't say I've even read every passage of every book. But yeah...I've read and read and read it...and I realized that by reading it alone, I am missing more than I ever fathomed.
This brings me to another point before bringing it all together. Stick with me! In Youth, Daniel has started a series of getting back to the Gospel....what the Gospel truly is and what it means for our lives. Also, I've been in a small group focusing on prayer by Jim Cymbala. As part of my quiet times I've been reading through the book Set-Apart Femininity, by Leslie Ludy. Through all three avenues, God revealed to me that so much, if not all of my life is focused on SELF. Let me explain...
So often our (or maybe just my own) attitude when going to church, reading our Word, praying, etc is, "what can I get out of this?" What does God want to teach ME," "How can this passage apply to MY life," "I am praying this prayer because it's bringing ME closer to God," "I am going to tap into my inner beauty to feel confident about myself," and the list goes on and on. We do it without even realizing it...focusing on OURSELVES.
In actuality, it should be just the opposite.
My desire for reading God's Word, spending time in prayer, etc, should be because I am desperate to get to know Jesus Christ...because I am desperate to serve and honor Him...because I am desperate to bring glory to Him.
When God revealed this to me, it completely changed how I viewed my quiet time. For so long, without even realizing it, my quiet time has been all about me. I had perfectly good intentions. I was trying to do the right thing. I was trying to spend time with God because I wanted to grow...I wanted to keep God first...but my motives were twisted...I was trying to get something out of it...rather than my attitude being solely about glorifying God and getting to know Him...His character...His will.
Crazy thing is...since this "lightbulb" moment (or moments, rather!), I've learned more from God's Word than I have in a very long time...if ever. Now, instead of opening my Word to see what I can get out of it, I've opened God's Word with a sense of desperation of wanting to know who Jesus is, what motivated Him, what His will is, how He responded in certain situations, what God did in certain situations.
I don't know if anybody is interested, but I thought I would give a mini breakdown of what my quiet time looks like now...it's certainly not what everyone has to do, but it has been exactly what I needed. (I can't take credit for the Christian Living book part...that suggestion came from another Leslie Ludy book I've read.)
1. Read the Word (I'm currently reading through James)
2. Read a commentary (or more) on the passage I read (Doing this means I am reading through James MUCH SLOWER than I would have without the commentary.)
3. Prayer
4. Read a Christian Living book (currently Set-Apart Femininity)
I have set time limits for each step that I (somewhat) try to stick to...mainly so I don't get overwhelmed or leave something out.
It has been Life Changing. I have such a long way to go, but it is so fun when God does something amazing in your life! I couldn't do without Him revealing Himself to me...making Himself real to me. What a mighty God. Oh, how I love Him.
Romans 12:1-2
Therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, I urge you to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God; this is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this age, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may discern what is the good, pleasing, and perfect will of God.
-Megan
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