Bad News on Wonderful Wednesday

I've been out of town for a week and should REALLY be doing many things other than sitting here at my computer. I was just about to shut it down (the 5th attempt before getting sucked into something else) when I stumbled across a blog that I hadn't seen before today. I was totally just wasting time scrolling through it when an entry caught my eye revealing that the author's daughter had been adopted. So then I was stuck. Then I came across a verse the author wrote about.

So, I realized it was Wednesday and I should post my Wonderful Wednesday entry. I didn't last week because to be honest I just never got around to it and left for a week that evening.

I love how God speaks to us. ...I think most of the time I fail to hear Him. or listen to Him. I think that's more the truth.

So, on to the passage. 

Psalm 112:7-8

"He is not afraid of bad news; 

his heart is firm, trusting in the LORD.

His heart is steady; he will not be afraid, 

until he looks in triumph on his adversaries"

Whoa. These verses spoke to me BIG TIME. No, contrary to the title, we are not facing bad news right this second but I, personally, desperately needed these verses. They are speaking of someone who fears the Lord. Do I desire to be someone who fears the Lord? YES. A million times, YES. In whom do I put my trust? Who is holding my life? 

Do not read on if you don't want to hear me rant. 

I am so weary of hearing prayer requests that consist of, "my great-aunt Sal broke her toe," "my cat is lost," "my mom doesn't feel good tonight," Joe-Joe is in the hospital," and on and on and on. 

Why do we pray so much against pain and suffering? Well, obviously because we're human, I guess...who likes pain and suffering...certainly not me...especially when Sep. 8th rolls around...YIKES. But anyway, why are we so afraid to ask God to make us who He created us to be? Why are we so afraid to ask God to be glorified through great-aunt Sal's broken toe? Why are we so afraid to let God be God? Why do we pray so much for other's health when our own spiritual lives are in shambles? Or why do we pray so much for someone to be healed when God has a far greater plan through their sickness than through their health? Why do we not trust God for who He is? 

I can only come to the conclusion that maybe it's because we don't really know God? We don't really trust God to be who He says He is? We don't really desire to see Him glorified through how He sees fit? 

Of course, it's not bad or wrong to pray for the above stated phrases. Not at all. But my "weariness," as stated above comes from the question, why do prayer requests like these seem to be ALL we hear? We can pray night and day for someone to be protected while on a mission trip, but what happens when that person dies or is in an accident while on the mission trip? Did God not hear our prayer, or did God just have a different plan? What if He wants to use that life while laid up in a hospital somewhere? 

Why are we so afraid of bad news?

This is definitely a rough draft...I never want to intentionally offend someone...these are just the thoughts that have been rolling around in my head for quite some time and it sort of all slammed together when I read Psalm 112. 

-Megan

24 Weeks

 

How far along: 24 Weeks with Baby Girl

Size of Baby: still a papaya...and still haven't tried one...

Weight Gain: This one will be tough to write every week because my weight seems to fluctuate as it gradually creeps up...I'll say 4 lbs.

Maternity Clothes: Some. In the pic above I'm wearing the opposite of last week...a regular skirt with a maternity shirt. That skirt is going to get a lot of wear this summer since it's one of the only pre-pregnancy skirts that fits!

Sleep: I seemed to sleep pretty good this week...weird, but I'm not complaining!

Foods I'm loving: Still love fruit. I can also add cereal to the list. Cheerios to be exact. Regular. Plain. So yummy. My days weren't complete without a bowl this week. 

Foods I'm hating: Not hating any foods, although some give me mild heartburn...nothing a Tums can't handle!

Movement: TONS! Although, right now, she must be napping...pretty quiet in there.

Best moment this week: I seem to have trouble narrowing this down to just one moment. I'll list two. The first happened when we got home from our marriage retreat and I had 2 gifts and a card in the mail from my sisters, Rebekah and Hannah, and my mom. I thought it was so random to get something from all 3 people in the same day and boy was I excited! When I commented aloud about the odds of this occurring, Daniel said, "Megan, it's for Mother's Day." I still didn't believe him until I opened the packages. Sure enough. Mother's Day. So fun! I sure wasn't expecting a thing, so it was a good surprise! 

The second best moment this week was our date night last night! I'm not really sure why I was so excited about this but I was! We went shopping and used a gift card to go out to eat. I think the excitement came from the fact that this was a typical date night for us when I worked, but now that we're on one income, we don't do a whole lot of shopping AND eating out.

Symptoms: Let's see...lots of potty breaks, some heartburn here and there but not too bad, restless sleep, overheating extremely easily...all in all nothing that I can't live with...for the most part I feel how I felt before the pregnancy

What I miss: Eating sugar whenever the desire strikes. I made brownies the other night and I have been thinking about eating one tonight, ALL DAY.

What I'm looking forward to: Going to VA to visit the brother and sister! I only wish Daniel could go. I actually HATE the thought of leaving him. Hopefully I won't cry...it wouldn't surprise me.

Side Note: I'm gathering ideas for the nursery! We already have the furniture/bedding, but I'd like to do a little more on the decorating side. I worked in the nursery for several hours today arranging and rearranging. I'd also love to find the vinyl quote we got to put on the wall, since it's nowhere to be found...

Here is a pic of the cards/gifts I got from my sisters and mom. I also got a charm for my bracelet from my in-laws, and a frame from my step-mom. All you ladies sure made me feel loved! I didn't expect any of it and you blew me away! 

-Megan

Wonderful Wednesday and Motherhood

Today is Wednesday! As promised, here is something from my thoughts...for whatever they're worth...

Seeing as Daniel and I are about to embark on a brand new chapter in life, my thoughts have revolved lately around family and motherhood. I am desperate for wisdom on raising a child to not just know about God, but to love God, to know His character, to want nothing else in life but to serve Him.

I came across this article that changes the focus from a baby just being a cute little being that I get to cuddle with, (I dreamt about this last night, by the way, and I have to be honest when I say I sort of didn't want to wake up :) ) to an arrow of warfare in this battle we are in...which most of us don't even realize we're a part of...but don't get me started on that and what God has been doing in my heart lately! haha!

I still get chills when I read the end of the article, "These mouths we are feeding - these are the mouths that God has ordained to use to silence the enemy. The victory is ours, because the Savior is ours." What a 180 degree turn in how I've viewed this new baby's purpose.

So...that being said...go read the article. You should be able to just click on the title and author of the article and it will bring it up...I've never done this so we shall see!

Motherhood is Victory by Rachel Jankovic

-Megan

23 Weeks

I've seen several people write a weekly pregnancy update on their blogs and I thought it was a cute idea so I thought I'd try it! It will be nice to have to refer back to, as well.

How far along: 23 Weeks with Baby Girl

Size of Baby: a papaya...never had a papaya before...at least I don't think...maybe I should try it!

Weight Gain: 3 lbs

Maternity Clothes: Some. In the pic above I'm wearing maternity jeans but a regular shirt. I can't wear regular bottoms without doing the rubber-band trick; however, I just think that's so uncomfortable so I stick to maternity or stretchy skirts and dresses!

Sleep: Fairly well. I tend to wake up several times and definitely need at least one potty trip!

Foods I'm loving: Fruit. LOVE it. I also am loving anything with sugar...which is no fun because that means I have to say no to it most of the time. 

Foods I'm hating: Anything with sugar...because I can't stuff my face with it 24/7 like I really want! Seriously though, I am not hating anything...everything is good!

Movement: TONS! This baby loves to move! I remember thinking around 19-20 wks that I wished she moved more often...I got my wish! Daniel gets to feel her all the time too, which is so fun! We think her favorite thing is to hear her daddy's voice!

Best moment this week: Hm...I will have to keep in mind that this question is on here since I typically can't remember past a day or so lately...I can't narrow it down to one moment...I would have to say the several moments that made up our marriage retreat this weekend. We had a FABULOUS time and I didn't want to come home.

Symptoms: Let's see...lots of potty breaks, some heartburn here and there but not too bad, restless sleep, overheating extremely easily...all in all nothing that I can't live with...for the most part I feel how I felt before the pregnancy

What I miss: Definitely laying on my stomach...it never occurred to me that I wouldn't be able to, or that I would miss it...I've already told Daniel I can't wait to lay on my stomach!

What I'm looking forward to: 3D/4D ultrasound!! We booked our appt. today and I absolutely CAN'T WAIT. Most of our 18 wk ultrasound was done in 4D and I just can't wait to see our baby again!

Side Note: We received our first, "Congratulations!" from a stranger today without us mentioning the pregnancy...you have no idea how excited that made me! Daniel laughed because I was so happy! I guess people can officially tell I'm pregnant now!

Megan

Wonderful Wednesday

Going along with something I said in an earlier entry, I wanted to keep up with being more open about things God is doing in my life. I wanted to do something weekly...or as close to weekly as I could get...committing to every week might be a little ambitious for me right now! I thought Wednesday would be a good mid-week day to try a go at it. So here goes!

Over the last several weeks, God has really been working in my heart. To be quite honest and open, I've struggled with having a daily quiet time for the last few months. I just felt like I had hit a "rut." I got really frustrated with this because how on earth do I hit a rut with my relationship with God? I mean, I don't hit ruts with my relationship with Daniel. So yeah...frustration...mainly because this isn't the first time something like this has happened. Also, it's looked on as "normal." I've heard numerous people talk about it, preach about it, whatever. But why? If I say God is the #1 in my life, why would I go through times where I just didn't have the desire to get in His Word or spend time in prayer? If I am living my life for the sole purpose of serving Him and giving Him all the glory, then why do I go through times where I just can't get into His Word? ...and even scarier, why is it so often looked on as ok and "normal?"

So, I began to wonder why I was questioning like this? Why wasn't this just one of those other times where I accepted, or even expected this phase of my relationship with God? Wasn't it just one of those "downs" in the ups and downs of our relationship? Through several different avenues, God began to reveal the problem...

I recently completed a Beth Moore study on James. Whoa. Talk about God coming straight at my heart with a huge drill and bulldozer! Ha! What was left when He was finished was a work I certainly never could have done on my own. He reshaped my heart just enough to reveal some areas that needed some serious work that only He could complete, as well as to prepare me for what was to come.

Soon after this study ended I was sitting in Sunday School taking part in the lesson. My mom happened to be there and after church that Sunday she told me she had recently studied that same passage and there was something that our class missed. We went home and looked it up in a few commentaries, and sure enough, there was SO MUCH MORE to the passage than just what we had discussed. Through this I began to wonder, "how much more have I missed in God's Word?" I mean, I read over the passage and I NEVER would have learned the full extent of that passage by just reading over it. It took some serious studying!

I was so convicted over this. I've been saved since I was 6 years old and not once had I truly, TRULY studied God's Word. I've read over it, sure. Many times. Although I can't say I've even read every passage of every book. But yeah...I've read and read and read it...and I realized that by reading it alone, I am missing more than I ever fathomed.

This brings me to another point before bringing it all together. Stick with me! In Youth, Daniel has started a series of getting back to the Gospel....what the Gospel truly is and what it means for our lives. Also, I've been in a small group focusing on prayer by Jim Cymbala. As part of my quiet times I've been reading through the book Set-Apart Femininity, by Leslie Ludy. Through all three avenues, God revealed to me that so much, if not all of my life is focused on SELF. Let me explain...

So often our (or maybe just my own) attitude when going to church, reading our Word, praying, etc is, "what can I get out of this?" What does God want to teach ME," "How can this passage apply to MY life," "I am praying this prayer because it's bringing ME closer to God," "I am going to tap into my inner beauty to feel confident about myself," and the list goes on and on. We do it without even realizing it...focusing on OURSELVES.

In actuality, it should be just the opposite.

My desire for reading God's Word, spending time in prayer, etc, should be because I am desperate to get to know Jesus Christ...because I am desperate to serve and honor Him...because I am desperate to bring glory to Him.

When God revealed this to me, it completely changed how I viewed my quiet time. For so long, without even realizing it, my quiet time has been all about me. I had perfectly good intentions. I was trying to do the right thing. I was trying to spend time with God because I wanted to grow...I wanted to keep God first...but my motives were twisted...I was trying to get something out of it...rather than my attitude being solely about glorifying God and getting to know Him...His character...His will.

Crazy thing is...since this "lightbulb" moment (or moments, rather!), I've learned more from God's Word than I have in a very long time...if ever. Now, instead of opening my Word to see what I can get out of it, I've opened God's Word with a sense of desperation of wanting to know who Jesus is, what motivated Him, what His will is, how He responded in certain situations, what God did in certain situations.

I don't know if anybody is interested, but I thought I would give a mini breakdown of what my quiet time looks like now...it's certainly not what everyone has to do, but it has been exactly what I needed. (I can't take credit for the Christian Living book part...that suggestion came from another Leslie Ludy book I've read.)
1. Read the Word (I'm currently reading through James)
2. Read a commentary (or more) on the passage I read (Doing this means I am reading through James MUCH SLOWER than I would have without the commentary.)
3. Prayer
4. Read a Christian Living book (currently Set-Apart Femininity)
I have set time limits for each step that I (somewhat) try to stick to...mainly so I don't get overwhelmed or leave something out.

It has been Life Changing. I have such a long way to go, but it is so fun when God does something amazing in your life! I couldn't do without Him revealing Himself to me...making Himself real to me. What a mighty God. Oh, how I love Him.

Romans 12:1-2

Therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, I urge you to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God; this is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this age, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may discern what is the good, pleasing, and perfect will of God. 

-Megan

   

60 mph in Another Direction...For Now...

If you don't know any details since March, you can review the "Setbacks..." and "In Response" posts for background info.

One thing I do want to mention is that Daniel and I still love the agency we've worked with, as well as our social worker. This is most definitely not a post intended to complain about our process thus far. Yes, some things could and should have been handled differently but that doesn't mean we're not still confident in our choice of an agency.

As written before, our Home Study was FINALLY approved! Yay! As also written before, our agency put us on "hold" until the birth of our biological baby. After much consideration and prayer, Daniel and I decided to contact the agency to see if they would reconsider our "hold" status. We never heard back from them...

So I emailed them again about two weeks ago. The very next day I had a response from the director! She explained that there had been miscommunication in everyone thinking someone else had contacted us. Go figure. She explained in greater detail what the "hold" status means and when exactly we'll be allowed to start the process again....not at the birth of our biological child as we had been told before...but when our biological child turns ONE year old.

 It just so happened that about 3 days later we were going to be in the area where our agency is located. We were able to schedule a last minute meeting with the director. It was GLORIOUS finally having the opportunity to talk with someone face-to-face! She apologized profusely for the way a few things had been handled in our case. She recognized and admitted that things had fallen under the radar when they never should have been. She was actually the one to assign writing our Home Study to an intern because she discovered that it had not been completed two months after it should have been.

So on to the results of the meeting...Nothing changed from what we had already been told, but we were able to understand more clearly the agency's views and the "why's" to the process of the "hold" status....I won't really get into the 'why's,' but I'll explain what our adoption process looks like for the next, well...year-and-a-half or so.
Because of different reasons, when a couple conceives during their adoption process, the agency requires them to wait before moving forward. The director explained that these rules had been bent in the past...all to the detriment of the children involved...for different reasons. The agency keeps our Home Study on file. When our biological child turns one year old, we can contact them in order to start the process up again. We will not get to "pick up right where we left off" as we had been told before. We will have to update our Home Study (the packet that basically holds everything important about us.) By law, when you adopt a child, everything in your Home Study needs to be less than 1 yr old. (We knew all this beforehand because this goes for any adoption if you've waited for a child for over a year...you have to update the Home Study...we just hoped it wouldn't apply to us since technically we haven't waited one day, much less one year!)
To update our Home Study, we will have to...
1. Get physicals again, including bloodwork
2. Get fingerprints done again (This one just really excites us since it will be the fourth time...)
3. Have our social worker visit our home
4. Make NEW profile books...sad that the one I slaved over will never be used...oh well
5. Pay a small fee to have everything updated (not to mention the fees that go along with the above 4...however, it will be significantly lower than what we've already paid so it's not like we're paying double)

SO....We are completely at peace with where we're at...We know God led us to our agency...He is sovereign and knew how everything was and is going to play out...We certainly don't!...but He does. He knew we were going to conceive right when our process was finishing up...He knew we were going to be put on "hold." He knew it all.
It's very strange to have your life heading 60 mph in one direction and then BAM!...60 mph in a different direction! I'm sure many of you can relate. Over the last few months there has definitely been a mix of emotions in our household! We're thrilled to be pregnant, but we've also grieved in a sense over the unexpected twist in our adoption process. I've found that it's hard for MANY people to believe that we started the adoption process for reasons other than infertility....because good grief, why else would people be crazy enough to adopt?! HA!...or so our world teaches. Getting into that topic is definitely not for this entry! But anyway, maybe this blog will help spread the message that we aren't adopting just to get a baby...we are adopting because God laid it so heavily on our hearts that we couldn't escape from it! We weren't trying to pursue adoption while also being pregnant because we're desperate for babies! We simply knew that God had led this entire process and we weren't about to quit because something came up that WE weren't expecting. This whole process has been about obedience and God sure knew that we were going to be expecting! This process has taught us a lot about being obedient no matter what. Just because something popped up in our lives that we weren't expecting, does not mean that we just get to back out of everything God has led us to do. Just because everyone and their mother most people advised us to not adopt right now and focus on our pregnancy does not mean we get to back out of what God has led us to do. Just because the thought of a pregnancy and an adoption happening simultaneously threatened to stop my heart at times was overwhelming, does not mean we get to back out of everything God has led us to do. Just because the world saw things one way, does not mean God sees them the same way.
As Baby Girl bounces around in my belly right now, I am so very grateful for every single moment of the last two years. Daniel and I are two different people from who we were two years ago. We had NO IDEA what God had in store when we simply decided to say "yes," to His direction. I encourage you to seek the Lord in His direction for your life...not YOUR direction for your life, with His blessing thrown in there...but throw away your direction...and seek His. Through this process, I feel like we've only scratched the surface of who God is and what He is capable of...have you allowed Him to direct your life, or are you just asking for His blessings on your plans? I still have so much to learn...I fail at being obedient every day...but it's so much harder to be obedient when you've never experienced what comes out of obedience. How can we trust God to do what He says He'll do when we never give Him the opportunity to act?

-Megan