38 Weeks

I haven't taken a 38 week pic this week so this is the best I had of a belly shot. I kept meaning to get a pic but at the end of every day I'd realize I forgotten to take one yet again. I compared this pic to a pic of me at 36 weeks...such a change! Daniel didn't believe it when I showed him. Baby Girl is dropped and ready and so is her mama!! Well...to the ready part...and actually come to think of it the dropped part defines me pretty well these days too since all I want to do is drop on the couch. 

...and Daniel will love me for posting this pic

How far along: 38 Weeks with Baby Girl!...I'll be 39 weeks tomorrow so I thought about skipping this post, but here I am.

Size of Baby: Watermelon...and I believe it! I am guessing she will be about 8.5 lbs and 21 inches long. Daniel says 7.5 lbs. Most everyone else says 6 lbs. I can't wait to prove them wrong...this is no 6 lb baby!

Weight Gain: Why does this particular topic keep getting left off my entries? I basically copy and paste from the previous entries so I'm not quite sure how this one sneaks out. Anyway, I've gained about 20 lbs...pretty good in my book! Funny how people have no shame when they see that you are pregnant...I get asked ALL THE TIME how much weight I've gained. Usually it consists of, "have you even gained any weight?!" (I guess this is where the 6 lb baby guesses are coming from.) Anyway, just don't ask this of pregnant women, people. I mean, seriously. Not that I mind telling people...I'm pretty proud of the fact that I didn't gain an astronomical amount, but still...it's not like I want to go sharing it with everyone...close friends, fine...but strangers, no. Also, while I'm on the topic of "no shame people," someone actually asked us the other day if Daniel is the daddy. Excuse me?!

Maternity Clothes: These days I want anything comfortable...I do not care about looking cute whatsoever. As long as I am covered I am good. I would be happy if I could lay on the couch in my pj's all day...and I wouldn't be surprised if I actually DO do that over the next week.

Sleep: Just shoot me. SO uncomfortable these days.  

Foods I'm loving: Sadly, I am falling into loving anything that is easy to grab...which most often means something not that healthy. I just have so little energy these days.    

Foods I'm hating: Tomato based = heartburn...otherwise, I pretty much love shoving food in my mouth these days.

 Movement: The huge, big belly rolls have stopped for the most part. Baby Girl just doesn't have any space left in there! The last several days she has moved A LOT though. Constant jabs all the time. I will miss that. Although my ribs won't.    

Best moment this week: Being with my family! 3 of my 4 siblings (not including in-laws) were here for the weekend, along with my mom, stepdad and niece. My siblings all stayed at the house while my mom and stepdad stayed in a hotel. It was a great weekend. 

Also, going to the Dr. and hearing that her arrival could be any day! Although, then she followed up with saying, "I promise you'll have a baby by the end of September." So...who knows when she'll actually arrive but apparently things are looking good.

What I miss: This week I have been so so sore. I pretty much hate having to move...and don't even mention trying to get up out of bed. So...I guess I miss being able to get around without feeling as if I'm going to fall apart.    

What I'm looking forward to: THIS BABY'S ARRIVAL.

Side Note:  If you've been keeping up with these, obviously Baby Girl did not arrive while all the family was here. After my Dr. appt. this past Monday, I really thought she might have arrived by now but...obviously not. My mom left for WA State for 4 days so what kind of crazy timing would it be for Baby Girl to come while she's gone! We shall see! Due date is in 10 days. 

Binkies and Bauer

We're getting ready around here! Yes, my baby will be a binky baby...or paci, if you're from the south, which I am not...so it's a bink. Which is seeming like a really strange word the more I think about it and type it...

Anywho, I packed Baby Girl's bag yesterday and I'm working on mine. This part of the pregnancy is tough because we're ready for her to arrive but we don't know when it will happen...I'm 38 weeks today so hopefully she'll be here in 2 weeks or LESS! 

Someone asked Daniel today if I've started cleaning everything yet. Later he came home to find me cleaning out the kitchen drawers...like washing the drawers. He laughed and said I must be ready since I'm trying to find things to clean! 

I would say we're ready! We have everything we need and my mile long to-do list for things to do around the house at the beginning of the summer is complete...although somehow I keep coming up with things to do...like washing drawers. 

And Bauer is not allowed in the living room during the day anymore. I just really can't handle the thought of my baby mixing in with dog hair/dander/slobber/general yuckiness...so he's banned to the kitchen during the day and we let him free once Daniel gets home from work. In all seriousness, he basically sleeps all day so why not just sleep in the kitchen rather than the living room...definitely works for me! I would rather his area not be my kitchen, but don't even get me started on that subject...Anyway, we've started this with him now so that when Baby Girl arrives it's not as big of a shock...he'll already be used to it.

Bauer really is a great dog...I really do love the guy, but in general I am really not much of an animal person...well, not even a tiny bit. I'm sure you've probably already gathered that. I do NOT think it's cute when a dog licks a baby...quite the opposite...I feel the urge to hurl when I see it. However, I know many of you out there adore your pets and are probably shooting daggers at me through your computer screen...please don't! This is just me personally...you can let your babies get licked all you want! 

Weird thing is, is that I'm kind of looking forward to seeing how Bauer acts around Baby Girl. He is SO GOOD with kids. He adores them. My niece has been here a couple of times in the last few weeks and he listens to her like he's the most obedient dog ever. She can practically whisper a command and he promptly does it no questions asked. She wore him out the other day...she kept making him sit and come over and over and over and over and....Anyway, after a LONG time of this, Bauer flopped his full body to the ground when she told him to sit, laying there like he was practically dead. Then when she told him to come, he made it look like it took every effort in his poor body to get up. He's got personality! Or maybe he's just out of shape...

Here's one of the famous looks he typically gives when a camera is aimed towards him. 

Such a cute pup...he was THRILLED to have my mom's huge yard to run around in.

Can't see it too well, but here's a treat he left for his Uncle Tommie...you can guess what it is.

The poor guy really doesn't play catch too well...throw it about 3 times and he's done. 

Getting a kiss from Aunt Hannah. I could never...

 Look at how he's grown! Such a cutie. In the pic above he was in his little puppy seatbelt...so adorable!

-Megan

Grief and Joy

So I started a post yesterday; however, after rereading it I decided to trash it and start again. Maybe I was hormonal yesterday...

Anyway, there are a few adoption blogs I check all the time...maybe a little stalkish like. My favorites are the blogs of families waiting for their babies because then you get to see what it's like when they finally get their babies! One couple was just matched with their baby after waiting almost a year. Another family adopted about 2 years ago and have now started the process again...just recently they were matched with a baby who will be born this fall.

This might sound crazy, but I actually find myself envious of them...which brings me to the topic of this entry.

I'm going to attempt a little honesty here...

I can't remember if I've shared this before, but I try to be very sensitive with the whole infertility/pregnancy/adoption issues that many face. However, I've learned that I can't keep my mouth shut when God is doing something. I can't keep my mouth shut because I know someone else's heart isn't right and could take offense. What God can do in that heart is purely amazing so I MUST share what God has done. Obviously not by bashing it over someone's head...but at least being willing to listen to the Spirit's lead when He tells me to open my mouth. 

I'm not sure why but I've decided to let you all in on how the whole pregnancy/adoption on hold news went down personally for me...it ain't pretty.
I can't explain it but when we went from cruising along the adoption path, to all of a sudden careening down a different path with our pregnancy there were lots of emotions....and not good ones.

If there is anything I have learned over the last year it is that God is sovereign. He knows exactly what He is doing. He does not make mistakes. He does not change His plan. We can not change His plan.

This is what I clung to when I found out we were expecting.

Somehow before we even called our agency, I knew they were going to tell us we had to wait to continue our adoption. I was surprised at some of the details...but I think God was preparing me for the news that we would have to wait for some period of time.

I can't explain it but it wasn't easy going from the adoption path to a pregnancy path. This wasn't in the plan! This wasn't what our hearts were all involved in. This wasn't what we had spent the last two years working towards. "What is going on???" constantly went through my head.

Here is some honesty...I had a really hard time with other people's ecstatic reaction to our pregnancy.

 Gifts were immediately bought for our biological baby...or for us, "congratulations" was constantly said, tears were cried by some when they heard the news of our pregnancy.

All I could think was, "but what about the baby we're adopting? / Where is he or she? / How is the birthmom? / Here we thought she was probably pregnant at this point, but considering we have to wait almost two years to complete our adoption...she probably isn't. / Why didn't you respond with such great happiness when we announced we were adopting? / Why hasn't that baby been showered with gifts? / Why did we never hear, "congratulations?"

I truly had to grieve over the "loss" of our adoption. I grieved over not getting to meet a birthmom soon. I grieved over knowing we wouldn't be entering a hospital to meet an unknown baby. I grieved over losing our social worker (as she has retired now). I grieved over the baby I had prayed so much for who I thought would be joining our family any day. I grieved over the birthmom who I thought was about to face something too hard to put into words.

I grieved for my baby. The baby we were to adopt.

Funny how I had learned so much of God's sovereignty over the year before but the second something happens I'm not expecting I allow my little world to be completely shaken. God sure wasn't surprised!! This was exactly His plan!

So, thus began a journey of God leading me beside Him. Reminding me that He is in control. Our baby was not supposed to come to us yet. He or she is coming...just not yet.

...and He slowly introduced me to this little life inside of me. A life I never expected. A life that is an absolute miracle. A life given to me that I did not deserve. A life that was meant to be...before her brother or sister whom we adopt.

I can't wait to meet this baby. I can't wait to see her face. I can't wait to see what her hands and feet look like. I can't wait to see her ears. I can't wait to see how long she is and how much she weighs. I can't wait to tell her about who spoke life into my womb and breathed her into being.

...and I will feel this same way when we finally adopt her brother or sister.

God is amazing. I am so unworthy of Him and His love.

-Megan

 

37 Weeks

 

How far along: 37 Weeks with Baby Girl!

Size of Baby: Watermelon...and I believe it!

Maternity Clothes: I have nothing new to write here...except that I am sort of getting tired of them. I want my skirts back.

Sleep: Still liking a lot. Thankfully I can rest when I need to for the most part. I slept in today, took a nap, and I'm sure I will be happy to go to bed tonight! Luckily I'm sleeping through the night better than I have at other parts of the pregnancy. 

Foods I'm loving: Dessert and fruit. I haven't bought more Oreos yet...however, Daniel brought home chocolate chip cookies from a youth event that have been taking their place just fine.   

Foods I'm hating: Spaghetti at the moment...here is a pic of why...

  

Movement: I love to feel her move. Counting her movements tonight after dinner I stopped when I got to 13 within about 10 minutes...Dr. says she should be moving 6-10 times within an hour of eating/changing position/etc. I guess she's doing just fine!   

Best moment this week: So far it's been going to a Braves game last night. My brother bought awesome tickets behind home plate. It was so fun. 

 Daniel, Me, Lillian (our niece), and Baby Girl...not enjoying how I look like a behemoth amazon woman in this pic but I sure love the reason why!

 Chipper Jones and Me! I am pretty sure this was my last game getting to see him play so I made Daniel take my pic with him. My family has lots of memories of this guy! Sure will miss him being on the team!

 Seth (my big brother), Me, and Lillian...good looking bunch!

    The only pic I got of my mom and stepdad...Afterwards I realized that I wish we got a whole group pic!

What I miss: I don't know...anything I've written on any of the other entries for this. I really can't say that I am desperately missing anything...I really like being pregnant.    

What I'm looking forward to: This baby's arrival! I can't wait to see what she looks like. This might sound odd, but I'm looking forward to the labor/birth too. Obviously I'm not an idiot and I know it won't be the most pleasant experience but it will mean my baby's on the way!

Side Note:  I wonder when she will arrive! Four of us siblings, plus my niece will be together next weekend so maybe Baby Girl will be a gem and decide to come while we're all together! Rebekah can hop on a plane and join us!! We haven't all been together in several years so it would sure be fun!

36 Weeks

 

How far along: 36 Weeks with Baby Girl!

Size of Baby: Honeydew! The books say she's probably around 5 lbs. and 18 in. or so long.

Weight Gain: About 18 pounds.

Maternity Clothes: I have nothing new to write here...except that I am sort of getting tired of them. I want my skirts back.

Sleep: I am always tired lately. This past week I can sleep in and go to bed early with no trouble sleeping. I also get worn out quite easily. 

Foods I'm loving: Dessert and fruit. We happened to have Oreos this week...I have looked forward to eating them with a glass of milk every night. Too bad when they're gone...I might be buying more.  

Foods I'm hating: So after writing about not having heartburn in over a week guess what I've had this week. So annoying. That is definitely a symptom that can go and never return.  

Movement: Same as last week. She is enjoying stretching out in there...something that is not too enjoyable for mommy. She crams into my ribs and then pushes out towards the lower belly at the same time...ouch.   

Best moment this week: Getting my house cleaner! I have had this overwhelming burden to get things done before Baby comes. My mom and niece came last weekend and got so much done. Such a relief!   

What I miss: Moving with no pain.   

What I'm looking forward to: This baby's arrival! For the first time I can definitely say I feel pregnant. It's getting harder and harder to get around. It takes effort to get up from a sitting position. I won't even mention trying to get out of the bed. If I walk for an extended period of time, bring on the Braxton Hicks! They aren't painful at all...just WAY uncomfortable. There are a lot of positives and things that I love about pregnancy, but I'm definitely feeling like another little person is taking over!

Side Note:  I had a doctor appointment this afternoon and we toured the hospital this evening. Ugh. I HATE hospitals with a SERIOUS passion. I can't believe I'm about to be a patient in one. I dread it. The doctor said everything looked good and I can go into labor whenever!

Totally random...Pregnancy and Name Thoughts

I'm not really sure what this entry is all about...I guess I just felt like blabbing to whoever is bored.

How the heck am I 36 weeks along today?? I just can't even fathom that thought. It BLOWS my mind.

Overall I really have felt great throughout the pregnancy. I commented to Daniel the other day that I haven't been sick at all...I used to get colds here and there or just have days where I didn't feel good...Since I've been pregnant, I haven't had any of that though! Well...minus the yuck weeks in the 1st trimester; however, those weren't even all that bad as long as I kept food on my stomach...which was tricky since eating any amount larger than the palm of my hand made me SICK. Those were fun weeks.

The 2nd trimester I can't think of any complaints. I basically felt...not pregnant. Ha! I mean, there just wasn't much of a difference. I had energy to do whatever, I didn't have to eat rabbit sized meals, no heartburn...everything was great. The only difference was I began feeling Baby Girl move!!

The 3rd trimester really has been fine, as well. Definitely different and definitely not as easy, but not too bad. I've had some uncomfortable weeks sleeping. This week I seem to be WORN. OUT. I got up with the plan of cleaning both bathrooms, sweeping/mopping the floors, and doing laundry...nothing unusual from what I would have done pre-pregnancy. WHOA. After cleaning the bathrooms (counters, toilets, sinks, mirrors...nothing more), I really felt worn out...like, not a "I'm lazy so I want to quit midway through my job," but a "if I don't sit down right this second, I might die" kind of worn out...so I decided to throw lunch together and rest on the couch for a little while. So, I started going through pictures on our computer for something I'm trying to do. Anyway, after 30 minutes or so I got up to resume my activities. OH. MY. GOSH. I could hardly move. Not kidding. I can't even explain it to someone who hasn't been pregnant before. I was SO UNBELIEVABLY sore that I thought I might just be bed ridden the rest of the day. I've had pain in my lower belly/pelvis/lower back with ligaments stretching and bones shifting for the great event known as childbirth...I am telling you, when I got up off the couch I realized just how little I can actually do these days without feeling like I'm falling apart! I guess I can cut myself some slack since I am 9 months pregnant, but it's so funny because I understand the fact that I'm 9 months pregnant but for some reason my mind hasn't caught up with that fact. I keep wondering why I'm so tired and sore.

My mind not catching up to the fact that I'm 9 months pregnant brings me to another thought. Where has the time gone?? I used to look at women towards the end of their pregnancies and have this opinion that they probably felt like they'd been pregnant forever. I don't know if I'm abnormal or what, but I feel like I just found out I was pregnant! I mean, really! I do NOT feel as if it's time to have this baby. I just can't believe it.

Right now Baby Girl is pushing so hard into my ribs that I think one might break. I will be sad not to feel that anymore. I will be sad not to have heartburn anymore (although I haven't had it in over a week). I will be sad when I don't feel like a beluga whale trying to roll over in bed. I will be sad when there's not a basketball between Daniel and Me when we hug. I will be sad when I actually have energy to clean house. I will be sad when I have to give up maternity clothes. I will be sad when I am allowed to drink a coke. I will be sad when I can bend over without struggling.

I will NOT be sad to meet Baby Girl. I will not be sad to see what she looks like. I will not be sad to kiss her. I will not be sad to cuddle with her. I will not be sad to smell her. I will not be sad to see her daddy hold her. I will not be sad to dress her. I will not be sad to tell others they can't hold her because she's MINE and no one else's, but her daddy's. I will not be sad to see this miracle from God come to life outside my womb.

I pray DESPERATELY that we will be willing to yield to God's leading in raising this child. She is His and His alone. May we never take her for granted, or place her before our marriage. May we raise her to know that NOTHING of this world matters. The ONLY thing that matters is serving her Savior, Jesus. Everything else is worthless. As I've looked at nursery ideas, I've seen that most nurseries have the baby's name over the crib or somewhere else in the room...some nurseries having the baby's name or initial(s) in more than one place. Don't get me wrong, I want Baby Girl to have an identity. She will be her own person, after all.

However, her life is not about her. Contrary to the world's thoughts and teachings, I know. Imagine that. The ONE reason she was created, is to serve the Lord. God has taught me so much these last few months about how so much of my understanding of Christianity was absorbed with SELF. I won't go into everything now because this is already long enough! But, He has begun this HUGE work of transforming my thoughts to see the Word the way He designed...through Christ. Instead of trying to figure out how a certain passage applies to ME, I am now beginning to read the Word for the sole purpose of getting to know the God whom I serve. Anyway, WAY different blog entry there and I'm sort of running down a rabbit trail.

...back to the point. From the beginning, I knew I didn't want Baby Girl's name plastered all over her room. From day one of her life on this earth, I want her to know that her identity is through Christ Jesus. I want her to know that it's not about her. It's about HIM. I know monogramming is really popular right now...I even think it can be cute to a degree. However, I do not want all of Baby Girl's clothes monogrammed. I don't want everything she owns to have her name all over it. I do not want to raise her in any way to think that her little world revolves around herself. In this world that teaches inner beauty comes naturally, I want her to know that God's Word teaches that our hearts are ugly and beyond repair without Jesus Christ. There is nothing inside us that is beautiful. Nothing. Only Jesus makes us beautiful...and that is only through His blood.

And for that reason, Baby Girl's name will not be over her crib or a big focal point of any part of the room. Maybe I'll post pics of the nursery one of these days. It should have already been done and ready for baby but I forgot to email something for Daniel to print out the other day. So...hopefully that gets done soon!! I really wasn't into the whole big theme thing...I don't know...but I do have a few things up. I'll let you see some soon!   

And with that, I will end this long, random post! And yes, I started several sentences with 'and.'

-Megan

35 Weeks!

How far along: 35 Weeks with Baby Girl!

Size of Baby: Honeydew! The books say she's probably around 5 lbs. and 18 in. or so long.

Weight Gain: No idea. I haven't weighed myself since the last dr. appt.

Maternity Clothes: I have nothing new to write here...

Sleep: Not my best friend these days. So uncomfortable. 

Foods I'm loving: Dessert and fruit. Nothing weird or abnormal...people ask me all the time if I've had any cravings...the answer is no. I can't remember craving anything throughout the entire pregnancy. I can't really say I crave sugar...it's just something I know I shouldn't have much of and so because of that it seems like I want it all the time. I did think the other day that it would be nice to drink a coke...I haven't been drinking much of anything other than water the entire pregnancy, and if I do it's juice or milk. 

Foods I'm hating: Nothing at all and I haven't had heartburn in over a week!!! It has been glorious. 

Movement: Slowing down a little. For most of the pregnancy I haven't noticed her being more or less active at any time of day. Now she seems to have times where she's more active. After lunch and in the evening. She's pretty still and quiet all morning. She used to be really active when I lay down...she still moves some then but not like she used to. Running out of space!   

Best moment this week: My birthday! I have to say I did not want to turn 29 but I didn't get much say in that. I really had a great birthday though. My mom made apple pie per my request...my FAVORITE...only when she makes it though...I never order it at restaurants or buy it at grocery stores cause it's gross. I got an AMAZING gift from my sister, Rebekah...TONS of clothes for Baby Girl...filling in some gaps that we had in her wardrobe. I was so excited about it I laid it all out today and looked at everything again. I also got gifts and money from several family members...I have no idea what I'll spend the money on...I usually take months deciding what to spend money on. Daniel took me out today for our birthday date. I decided I wanted to go to Ted's Montana Grill and then PF Changs for dessert because they have the BEST chocolate cake EVER. It's so huge I had to bring half home and I can't wait to dig into it again.   

What I miss: Nothing new here  

What I'm looking forward to: My brother, Seth, comes in from England this weekend to visit for a couple of weeks...should be fun!

Side Note:  My niece, Lily, got to feel the belly when Baby Girl was moving like crazy...my belly was going all over the place. Lily said, "that's kind of weird!" That was her favorite phrase all weekend!