Because I Love You

One of the most common comments we get from others as they hear about our adoption is, "I just don't understand how someone can give away/abandon their baby." This statement fills me with so many mixed emotions. Now, as you read on, please do not take offense with anything I say. Daniel and I were so ignorant when we started this process and have learned so very much. Our heart is to share what we have learned so that others do not have to remain as clueless as we have been!

First off, I don't want anyone to feel like we are rescuing a baby from an otherwise horrible existence. That is not our purpose for adopting. We are adopting because number 1, God has told us to do it, and number 2...in an unexplainable way, we know that our child is meant to enter our family this way rather than through birth. I don't mean, that over time, the child will eventually seem like he/she was born into our family. I mean that for us, this is our pregnancy, this is...our baby. I don't expect anyone (other than maybe other adoptive parents) to truly understand that, but oh how I wish they could. Yes, we will have the same love for our baby of another race, as we will any baby that is born to us. ...and now I am getting off subject so I better get back on track! We are not setting out trying to be heroes attempting to rescue a baby from a destitute life and a mother who doesn't care about her. On the contrary, the birth mother loves her (or him :) ) more than life itself, which is why she is choosing life for her child.  Plus, who is to say that we can offer a "better" life to a baby? We have problems of our own, just like any family. We, as christians, need to stop looking at adoption as simply "rescuing" a child, but as answering a call that God has put on so many of our lives.

Secondly, I don't believe that there is a single birthmother in the world who is "giving away" or "abandoning" her baby. In this day and age there are countless ways to end a pregnancy at just about any point of the pregnancy. For a woman to carry her child full-term, and then make an adoption plan declares her amazing love for that child. She simply feels that she can not offer a life to her child that she feels would be best. For that reason, she is seeking a family who can provide the life for her child that she simply can not. Because our adoption plan will be semi-open, the birthmother will still have the opportunity to see her child grow. She may even get to spend time with her child. We aren't really sure what our adoption plan will look like at this point. We are open to whatever God leads, as we are on this journey solely because of Him!

Thirdly, hearing that comment makes me feel that people are viewing Daniel and I as receiving someone else's unwanted baby. ...like we are getting the leftovers or the 2nd best. This just breaks my heart. It also relates to what I discussed up in the 2nd paragraph. This baby is not someone else's. He is not unwanted. He is not a leftover. He is not a 2nd best. He was knit together in his mother's womb (Ps. 139:13). He is God's workmanship (Eph 2:10). God knows him by name (Ex. 33:17). He was created for God's glory (Isa 43:6-7). He was created to make disciples of all nations (Matt. 28:19-20). He has a purpose, and part of that purpose is to be the child of Daniel and Megan...from the very beginning, that has been the plan. It's not Plan B.

Here is a poem that I came across today. It is written from the perspective of a birth mom and I couldn't wait to share it on here!

Because I Love You!
By Shelley I.

I searched my heart and soul and mind
Because I love you

I cried myself to sleep many nights
Because I love you

I looked long and hard and half way across the country for your parents
Because I love you

You now have a mommy and a daddy
Because I love you

You have cousins who can’t wait to hold you and play with you
Because I love you

You have loving aunts and uncles
Because I love you

You have grandparents who are so proud to call you grandson
Because I love you

There will never be a worry about how to feed you
Because I love you

You will never be told, “sorry honey there is no milk”
Because I love you

You won’t have to keep wearing the clothes you outgrew
Because I love you

You won’t have to move and attend many different schools
Because I love you

You have a stable home environment
Because I love you

You won’t have to wait for me to get out of bed
Because I love you

You will have a backyard to run and jump and play in
Because I love you

Your life won’t be a struggle
Because I love you

You are surrounded by people who love you
Because I love you

I let you go
Because I love you

I can live with this
Because I love you